So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish you could order shots online.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
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His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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