I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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