WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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