We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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