1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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