At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize