It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize