my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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