Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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