Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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