I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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