You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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