So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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