Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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