if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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