1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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