I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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