Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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