why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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