I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize