Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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