highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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