I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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