He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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