there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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