She said her name was "party"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize