im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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