And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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