You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
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Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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