I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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