i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
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I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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