I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
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You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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