so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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