tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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