Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
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Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize