Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize