I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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