the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
