And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Semen is not good for contacts.
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Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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