"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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