I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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