you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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