I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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