how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
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we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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