That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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