Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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