I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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