You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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