it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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