you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
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Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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