Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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