There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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